When to persist and when to let go? This has been the question that has swirled around me and particularly my work with men through Return to the Fire over the last year. Helping men connect with themselves and others while opening and softening their hearts has been my vision and passion during the past sixteen years. There is nothing more inspiring for me than being in the presence of a man who is willing to call forth the courage to reveal a hidden aspect of himself. Because you have been a part of my journey I reveal myself to you now.
Recently I have felt a discontentment growing within me. I tried dealing with this feeling by using several of my usual methods. The first method is my old standby - denial. You probably guessed the result - that didn't work and the feeling persisted. So I went to phase two - working harder. I put more time and energy into RTTF but I seemed to constantly get less in return. I said, "There is a leak somewhere, but where?' So now I was on the lookout for the leak. I looked all over. I kept thinking I saw it in the men but that wasn't it. I then began to look inside myself (like I didn't know all along) to see if the answer was there.
What I got in touch with was that I have been feeling disappointed and lonely within the very circle and community that I created. As Paul Dunion poignantly wrote in I live a long way from the road, the conscious, spiritual journey is lonely. I came to the realization that I needed to step back in order to see the forest from the trees. Instinctively I knew that in order to be successful I needed to start by letting go, much like the saying about love, 'let go and if it comes back to you it was meant to be.'
Thus I have decided to take a year off from my work with men in order to concentrate on my own inner discoveries. I have let go of my dream of Return to the Fire, no small task for me since RTTF and Healing Bear have been such important aspects of how I see myself. I don't know what will happen within me, for me or to me with regards to this work. My intention is to rediscover my passion.
What I do know is my plan during the course of this year. I will continue my supervision with my mentor Michael Madden, I will sweat regularly and pray for guidance from the creator. I will meditate and ask for support from men in my life. I will remain open to gathering with men and groups and/or meeting periodically with interested men who have the desire for mutual support and exploration. If you are interested in this I invite you to call or e-mail me. And, because of this next phase, the only programs I am offering this summer are the two canoe trips on Maine wilderness rivers (See brochure).
I have many fears and questions going into this year of the unknown, What will I discover about myself? If I'm not Healing Bear then who am I? If guiding men isn't my purpose then what is? I've always believed that the only way is through not around it. So here I go. Wish me well.
I feel such gratitude and appreciation for all you men that have shared and cried, celebrated and rejoiced in the journey with me over these past sixteen years. It has been an honor and a privilege! As always I would love to hear from you and look forward to connecting with you in some fashion. My prayers are for health and awareness for all.
Pilamaya pelo
- Thank You!
Jody Grose